The Napmat Fit

Dear Daddy (and all other Daddies, husbands, brothers, future husbands...), I do understand your struggles with the gals in your life. We are only happy when things go our way. Why just today I told my good friend Dee that Daddy doesn't understand that my plan is the best plan, always, end of story. But, please try to understand the hormonal shifts that are ingrained within us. Why, we are born with all of the eggs that our ovaries will produce throughout our lifetime. We go through puberty and bleed from strange places. Some of us take hormones to help us have babies and then again when all of the period madness stops and the menopause starts. We carry babies in our bodies for 40 weeks and then GIVE BIRTH to them. GIVE BIRTH to them (I had to say that one more time, because we GIVE BIRTH to them as in birthing, you know, watermelon through a nostril, birth). Then we breast feed those precious angels and our boobs hang really low and sad. The only thing left to hold them up is the stretch marked belly that held that precious angel baby. Thank God for the belly! Anyway, Daddy's, husbands, brothers, future husbands..., here's a little story to help you through the madness of living with girls. And remember, we are VERY LOVING (especially when we get our way).

When our sweet precious Beebs was just a tiny tot, she had what we lovingly refer to now as a "napmat" fit. Let me fill you in...Beebs was 2 and moving into the nap room and out of a Pack and Play. Huge step for us all. So, I took her to Penney's and let her choose a napmat for day care. We picked a pretty pink one with hearts and diamonds on it. We brought it home and she proudly showed it off to Daddy. Then, as we put her to bed that night, and keep in mind that she was two and not really showing signs of The Terrible Twos yet, she had the mother of all fits...the NAPMAT fit! She sounded like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. "NAPMAT! I WANT MY NAPMAT!" She said it over and over and over and, well I'm sure you understand. It went on for a while and Daddy and I stood and stared at her then one another, then back at her, then back at each other with the look of "this child is possessed and what in the #@!& do we do with her!" I'm not really sure what happened after that, because sometimes a mother must block those fits from her mind. I'm sure we didn't give in though. I think we probably did what I did tonight and walked out closing the door behind us, because as this mommy likes to say, "no one wants to hear you acting like that". Except tonight, she's not 2, she's SEVEN AND A HALF and she wanted to stay up later than 8:30, except, she has been up until 10:30 or later for the past two weeks and she is worn out. So, she wasn't getting her way. Again, as the mommy in this case, my plan is always the best plan, end of story!

Anyway, I did what any good mother would do. I got the video camera. Of course the battery was dead, but she didn't know that. I opened the screen and acted as if I was filming her. I know what you're thinking, "Dang that's a good momma!", but wait...there's more. She flipped out when she realized I was "filming" her and begged me not to show it to anyone. To which I replied, "Oh, I'm just filming this to send in to Nanny 911."

"You can't let her come get me," she was really scared now (insert evil laugh here).

"Of course not, I'm just going to show her this video and see if she has any ideas on how to deal with napmat fits since you and Annie seem to have them ALOT lately!"

"You can't show that video to any of my friends!" Of course with the typing, the Linda Blair doesn't quite come through, so just play it out in your mind.

"Why, Beebs, are you ashamed of the way you are acting?"

"Yes and if my friends saw it, I would be so embarrassed!"

"Perhaps you should think about that before you have another napmat fit then."

Keep in mind, Annie and I were laughing the whole time. Annie just kept dying laughing, which made me laugh even harder. Now usually I would yell back, but I was extremely calm and Annie kept laughing. I really surprised myself.

I only wish that video camera would have worked so I could show her that video tomorrow. I'm going to charge it right now so I can video the next napmat fit. I think I'm onto something here!

Who threw away my wedding dress?

I know I'm not alone in this, but my kids say (and do) the weirdest things! So, Annie and Beebs got their own "spongy things" (that's what I call them). You know those things you put liquid body wash on and bathe with, yeah those. Anyway, Annie immediately took to tearing hers apart and it's white. She usually takes to tearing things apart rather quickly. That's just her gig (previous post). Slowly, but surly, she has picked and picked and picked and picked some more until she finally freed it from the string that was holding it all together. She has lots of time for these activities, because we let her play in the tub for a few extra minutes, you know like hours on end. Hey, if she's in the tub, she's not cutting hair, taping multiple papers to the wall in the hallway, putting Chapstick on Hemmer, Bitty and the bathroom mirror, or drawing on the walls or herself with Sharpie (yes, she does all of the things and more - please see previous posts for detailed descriptions). But I digress and must get back to the matter at hand! I heard her calling for me from the tub last night, saying, "Moooooooommmmmmmmyyyyyy, I'm getting married." Now, this is not an odd statement from either of my kids. We've had numerous weddings in the living room and Annie talks about getting married all the time and how her husband is gone to work, but he will be back soon to pick up Bitty and Hemmer...you get the picture.

Anyway, she wanted me to come see her "Wedding Dress". "It's beautiful and white!" she said.

I slowly (praying that the bathtub was not full of toilet paper) made my way to the bathroom and peeked in to see the creation that was a beautiful and white wedding dress. Yes, my friends, it was the spongy thing all picked apart, but in one very long piece and wrapped around my bride to be. And, yes it was very beautiful even if a little gal made it out of a spongy thing. Maybe not an engineer, but a designer of all things strange and lovely.

I found the wedding dress laid out beautifully in her floor last night after she was asleep and decided to save myself the time of picking up pieces of it that had been cut to shreds by the High School Musical scissors and go ahead and throw it in the trash. HUGE mistake!!! This morning my little angel came running to me with tears streaming down her face asking, "Who threw away my wedding dress?"

Annie's swimmin' and diamond necklaces

This is straight from the "mouf" of my Beebs...

"annie swam as good as a whale! her lifeguard was my swim teacher last year and my dad talked to a lifeguard and said, "annie needs to be moved to a different group, cause she's a way better swimmer than that." I laughed - ha ha - and I think that she is a good swimmer except at swim lessons, last year, with my coaches, his nickname was Crazy Corey!"

Thank you, my Beebs!

So, yesterday as I was getting dressed for work, I put on a necklace and earrings and, as usual, I checked with Beebs to make sure it looked okay with my outfit. Now, the necklace, which is total costume jewelry, has a big HUGE diamond (piece of cut glass), and Beebs replied, "Oh, Mommy, DIAMONDS go with everything!"

You gotta love the things that come out of the "moufs" of babes!

Directions for the Caesar Salad?

No, this post is not about me making dinner! Ha, that would be hilarious. No, really, I do cook every once in a while, but only when I absolutely have to. Anyway, Daddy and I decided to have Grilled Chicken Caesar Salads for dinner last night. So, he headed out to the grocery to get the Romaine and shredded Parmesan Cheese. Well, I guess he figured out when he got to the store, that he wasn't sure if we had all the other ingredients. So, he called. Beebs answered (as usual) and came running in the kitchen questioning me.

"Hey Mommy, Daddy needs to know if we have DIRECTIONS for the Caesar Salad?"

"Huh?" I said.

She repeated (kind of like Uncle Lewis in Christmas Vacation - yes, I do love me some Chevy Chase - as he is holding is hands up to his mouth showing Aunt Bethany that they want her to say Grace, as in "the blessing"), "D I R E C T I O N S!", which she practically yelled at me like I was the idiot.

I calmly (ha ha) replied, "Directions for the Caesar Salad? I think Daddy knows how to make a Caesar Salad! Just give me the phone!"

All I hear on the other end of the line is Daddy dying laughing!!!

Apparently, Daddy needed to know if we had DRESSING for the Caesar Salad. Only from the "moufs" of babes...(that's from an older post and I think I might have to copyright it since I use it so much!

What's your gig?

Definition of gig: noun, A job, especially a booking for musicians.

I LOVE THIS WORD!!!

I say it all the time. Really, that's just my gig. See, I just said it right there. I am not sure why I started using this word, but I do that. I'll use a word or phrase for a while and then retire it. Like "preaching to the choir", that was my gig for a while.

My gig right now is...well, of course, Summer Rose (see previous post). Summer Rose does love listening to the crickets while sitting on the deck drinking a nice cold beverage. My everyday gig is rambling on and on (as you might have noticed), but I make myself laugh, and that's all that counts, really, it is. My gig this week was not so much fun, what with my Josey Wales going to Heaven. Our gig on Saturday is the funeral for JoJo.

Beebs' gig tonight is a sleepover and wanting her sister to be as far away from her as possible, so thank the Good Lord that...

Annie's gig is "Annie's lights are out..." (see previous post and yes, we love it when the wild kid falls out) Praise the Good Lord!

Daddy's gig, as usual, is cooking me some good dinner! Tonight, it is I-talian (southern pronunciation) sausage with some yummy sauteed veggies!!! Daddy is the best cook and absolutely the BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD!

My 4th of July gig is making a flag cake (not as fancy as TDC's pink, aqua and white cake, click on my handy dandy Thrifty Decor Chick button to see her post about that cake, which is hilarious), but just a regular old cake (from the box, of course), with cool whip icing, strawberries and blueberries as the stars and stripes. I make it almost every 4th, so that must be my 4th gig!

Nahnie's gig (that's my sis) is listening to a band that's having a gig at a sweet little place downtown. She needs to go to bed!!!

Mama and Papa's gig is, hopefully, going to see the Jimmy Buffet tribute to the GULF concert in Gulf Shores.

Everyone's gig right now should be, SAVING THE GULF! The Good Lord knows that BP ain't doin' nothin' about it, so let's everybody go on vacation and clean up what we can while we're there!

So, what's your gig? Let me know...

(BTW, I love a "dot, dot, dot"...have you figured that out yet?)