45...5 years makes all the difference and no difference at all really

5 years makes all the difference and no difference at all really...

So, I just read what I knew at 40.  I'm not sure I know much more now, but here's what I think I've learned in 5 years...

Being a mommy means saying no and MEANING it...if you don't mean it, they will walk all over you.  And I thought that 8 year old girls were competitive 5 years ago, HA! 12 year old girls are just freaking nuts, and so are 9 year old girls for that matter...but I wouldn't trade being a girl mommy to my Beebs and my Annie for anything in the whole wide world. In fact, I really do wish that was my full time job. And, truthfully as they have gotten older, they are a full time job.

I've learned that my Annie  just needs me...and I need to, have to, want to carve out time for that baby every day. Sometimes it's just watching her do 40 gazillion back handsprings and round offs and handstands in 22 seconds flat, and sometimes it's just holding her for 22 seconds in my lap. That child...she has the sweetest heart and I love her so. And Beebs, she just wants me to hear the 40 gazillion words she has to say...and even if she thinks I'm not listening, I hear every single word and repeat them verbatim to her daddy, because he just.cant.hear.that.many.words...so many words y'all.  But, she talks to me, so I listen. She's more independent now, but she still just wants to "stay with her mommy"...her words. Oh how I love her!! She is always, always looking out for the underdog and wanting to make sure everyone is happy. But that girl is strong!

And accepting my faults...really Angie, you have so not learned how to do that. I do think about it every day though, and I'm okay with most of them...still not patient...God did not make me that way.  I'm always late, and I try to be okay with that, but I worry that whoever is depending on me at the end of that late is being let down, and I truly don't want to let my people down...I pray about that every day.

I have learned to stop and pray when I think of something or someone that needs prayers.

I'm still okay not acting my age and I try to do that as often as possible. I am so over vampires and have so moved on to Highlanders named Jamie Fraser. I would travel through a stone circle in a heartbeat!! Ha, I wonder if I'll still feel that way in 5 years when I'm 50.

I still know that I would never have made it as an elementary school teacher, but I am not sure I'm cut out to be an assistant of varying types (executive, personal, financial), which I have been since I was 21...dumbass...find your voice (that's a Dave Grohl quote...look it up, it's so worth watching).

I am a wife of 19 years and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world other than being a mommy. My husband loves me no matter what. He loves me...richer poorer sickness health better worse, he has my whole heart and he makes sure it is safe and that I am loved and in love and he makes me loving when I'm not able to be loving...he does that for me! He has my back and he keeps me safe and he loves ME! Now that makes me the luckiest girl in the world!

I have learned that sand sea and sun are the stuff of which my soul is made. That's my new quote, and it's an Angie original, that I quoted last weekend in Orange Beach, Alabama.

Lord have mercy, I have no clue what the next week holds, much less the next 5 years, but I know that I have 2 precious girls and a husband that love me and really that's all that matters to me!

My Annie:)

It is amazing how fast time goes after children enter your life!  My baby, that was a baby for just the blink of an eye is going to be 8 tomorrow.  EIGHT YEARS OLD!  I promise it was 10 minutes ago that she had colic and I was rocking and patting every night from midnight to 5 a.m.  After that colic was under control, I just rocked her because there is nothing better than rocking a baby to sleep every night.  I sang "You Are My Sunshine" so many times to that precious girl that I had to start making up new verses.  It was during those quiet rocking times each night that I learned that I could make any song into a lullaby...my baby learned the WAR EAGLE fight song before she could even walk or talk...she could hum it though.  My baby...the second child, just like me.  The one you think you could never love as much as the first born.  And then you see that sweet little face and hold that precious tiny baby and your heart just splits right in two so you have enough love for both of them.  My Annie loves Barbies and baby dolls and playing school and playing outside and making messes (and not cleaning them up).  And she is so creative.  She has an imagination as big as Heaven!  She has taught me what it was like to live with me when I was a kid.  She's sneaky and daring.  I always tell Daddy that she's the one we are going to have to keep an eye on.  She's the two year old that got into everything.  She colored her entire body with Sharpie, including her lips, because, of course she needed Sharpie lipstick to go with her Sharpie outfit.  She's the one who climbed the magnolia tree by the driveway all the way to the top and persuaded her BFF to do it too.  She's the one that took off her shoes while trick or treating last night and went the rest of the way in her socks because her feet were hot.  She's a free spirit and what better way to be when you are a kid (and an adult).  I don't want to ever harness her spirit.  I want her to be free and make art and create beautiful things.  I want her to love and be loved in return because she has so much to give. 

 

I tell ya, I didn't think it was in God's plan for Daddy and me to have babies, then the Beebs was born.  I said, "Daddy, that's it, we got really lucky when God gave us this baby!"  So, we were just going to stick with having one...then God decided that the Beebs needed a sister and then our family would be complete, so he gave us our Annie.  Anna Ruth, a beautiful meaningful name for a beautiful, free spritied, Mama's girl.

 

Now, if we can make it through her birthday party without her crying, it will be a first!

 

Happy 8th birthday to my baby, my Annie!!!

9 years ago today...

Have y'all missed me?  You know Summer Self goes into hiding during the dark, cold months!  Although, it has been really nice here in Alabama!

Anyway, 9 years ago today...I remember that the night before I had a huge bacon cheeseburger that Daddy made for me.  I remember that I got up at 4:00 a.m. to shower and put on make-up.  I remember that I drove a Ford Explorer (which I loved!!!).  Most of all I remember that as Daddy pulled off the interstate onto University Boulevard, we had about 7 minutes until we'd arrive at St. Vincent's so I could give birth to our first child.  And, as we pulled onto University, I begged him to turn around and take me back home.  I. WAS. SCARED!!!!!  We had done everything from decorating a room to birthing and breastfeeding classes, but we had no idea what we were getting into and there was no turning back.  All I could think of was watermelon through a nostril, and what if I don't get an epidural and I can feel all of this pain!!!  Now, today, I remember very little about the pain except that my epidural was wearing off when that precious angel finally entered this world.  

Her name is Elizabeth Rae.  She is named after my mother (Linda Elizabeth) and Daddy's sister (Sunny, who is in Heaven now watching over her little nieces).  Elizabeth after mother and Rae is Sunny's little "Rae" of sunshine.  She came out screaming and has never shut up!!! When we brought her home, we had no idea what we were doing, but we figured it out along the way.  We still don't know what we're doing, but we figure it out each day.  She was a skinny baby and she loved to be rocked to sleep every night while listening to the ocean sounds CD we bought for her.  She loved her Pac n' Play and kept all of her toys in there.  She said her first words at six months old, no lie, and those words were a sentence!  "Bye bye Da Da".  She talks incessantly now, and most of the time we listen.  Sometimes we have to tune her out.  She is the new "Mouth of the South", just like her Mama!!!  She learned to run, not walk, when she was 11 months old and hasn't slowed down since! 

Elizabeth Rae, or Beebs as we call her, is more precious to me each day.  She loves unconditionally; she's smart, she's strong and strong-willed; she can play a mean defense in basketball; she loves her sister, even though she doesn't want anyone to know that.  She loves her Daddy and The (stupid) University of Alabama as much as he does.  She still loves her rag doll, Felicity, that she got from her Aunt Nonny when she was three months old.  She hates homework (who doesn't!), but loves to go to school and loves her 3rd grade teacher and her friends.  She loves to help Mrs. Marcum with the special needs kids in her class and loves them unconditionally!  She loves our pets and her fish, Ingram.  She loves our neighborhood and her 3DS.  She doesn't eat much, but she does love Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, which just so happens to be my favorite.  She stands up for her friends and her beliefs.  She loves God, our small church and can say The Lord's Prayer like a grown up.  She really really loves to sing and put on shows for us.  She wants to be the next Internet sensation and has a video on YouTube that's had 19 views:).  She is dramatic and loud and full of life!  She is ours and we are so blessed to have such a wonderful gift from God!

Happy 9th Birthday sweet Beebs!  I love you with all my heart and I am so proud to be your Mommy!!!

I Do

Fifteen years ago today I said it!  I have said every day since and will say it every day til death do us part!

You see, today is the day, 15 years ago, that I married the love of my life.  He is patient, well he was until we had kids:).  He is kind and he loves me with all his heart and soul!  I was 16 the first time we actually met.  We were best friends for 8 years, then started dating when I was 23.  Then, on April 23rd, 1996, he proposed to me.  On his 28th birthday.  He had been holding on to the ring since Christmas.  And, yes, he's still a procrastinator.  Perhaps he's just laid back, he likes to do things in his own time.  We have been through a lot together.  Infertility was our first big obstacle.  But, now we have two beautiful girls that have completed us and bound us even closer together.  We have a loving home and a loving marriage.  God has blessed us with many gifts and carried us through tough times and watched us soar in easier times. 

Everett holds my heart and my hand.  He kisses me every day.  He holds me tight every night.  He loves me unconditionally.  I am the luckiest girl on this earth!  Happy 15th Anniversary, Ev.  I love you more than words could ever express!  I do...I do...I do...I do...I do...

Well, that's it! It's all big teeth and bad attitudes now...

Yep, you guessed it!  My baby started Kindergarten.

Let me back up a bit though.  This is my SHY SHY SHY baby.  Which is weird, because neither Daddy nor me nor Beebs is shy in the least.  Anyway, we went to meet the teacher the week before school started and she not only held on to my leg the entire time, she hid behind it as well.  And, her classroom is not with the other K classrooms.  Needless to say, I was a basket case for the rest of the day.  And, I had to to to work!  I fretted and cried and worried over my baby all day.  Then I came home.  They were staying with my sister.  She met me in the garage and stopped me before I got out of the car...something that has never happened.  She then informed me that Annie had 1. cleaned up her room without being asked, 2. made up her bed without being asked and 3. well, I can't remember the third one because I was in shock and must not have heard her.  This child doesn't do anything without being asked and when you do ask all she does is whine!!!  It occurred to me then that she was, in fact, ready for big school because those things are only done by big girls.  So, now I just had to get through dropping her off on the first day... 

On the first day, my Annie got HERSELF out of bed.  She has NEVER gotten herself out of bed.  I have to carry these people to the kitchen and sit them at the table each and every day.  Needless to say, I was, again, shocked. She got herself dressed after being asked only one time.  This never happens!  Certainly not in my house and I'd be willing to bet it doesn't happen in yours either.  If it does, you are either a liar or an alien.  So, we set off walking to school, the three of us, Beebs, Annie and me, since our tradition is to walk to school on the first day.  I was fine.  I had been through my basket case phase the week before.  No problem.  Except, Beebs kept asking if I was going to be okay.  I finally had to tell her to stop asking me!  She was getting me all worked up.  We made it to school.  

We stopped and took a picture before my baby walked through those huge double doors...

She walked in right behind her big sister and I walked away.  I made it all the way to the end of the sidewalk and then I sobbed.  My babies are big now.  They have lost teeth...and now they have the big teeth coming in.  I guess I'll blink and they'll be teenagers with bad attitudes!  Dammit...I'm sorry mom for being such a bitchy teenager and I love you with all my heart! 

June Kitty Cash...the Great

SHE CAME HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I.cannot.believe.it!!!  Maybe the curse of Not the Summer of George has been lifted.  I don't know where she was, but she is mute, so whether it was a garage, attic or car, no one would have heard her.  She opens her mouth in a "Meow" formation, but nothing comes out. http://www.youtube.com/whttp://youtu.be/vN17L5Gb_gA

 Daddy came rushing into the bedroom this morning at 5:50 AM, shaking me awake and saying, "Guess who just showed up on our doorstep, skinny as hell?!?!?!"

I thought, "Oh dear God, he's let a drug addict in our house !"  But, instead of saying that out loud, I simply asked who.

"JUNEBUG!"  He said she came walking down the sidewalk after him, looked up and mouthed a Meow.  He opened the door, she walked in and jumped into the windowsill, which is her favorite perch. 

Oh, and she was weighing in at about 15 or 16 pounds when she disappeared SIX WEEKS AGO.  Now, she's probably down to about 9 or so pounds.  I think she might be down to 8 lives now.

Maybe I should have someone lock me in the garage for a couple of weeks...Nah, I'm going to Jackson!

Transition

Transition

part of speech: noun

definition: change, often major

Synonyms:  alteration, changeover, conversion, development, evolution, flux, growth, metamorphosis, passage, progression, shift, transformation, transit, turning point, upheaval

So, 40 has seen lots of transition for me...I don't do change well...I tend to overeat...and not good stuff like apples and salads.  No, I go for the white powdered sugar doughnuts!  My friend Susie says, "I think I am back up to my full term pregnant weight...I just need to give birth!"  Right there with you friend!

Anyway, I have made a decision to have a "CALM FALL".  Maybe that will make the transition from Summer Self to Fall Self much easier, even though Summer Self ain't on top of her game right now!  We are taking a year off from dance!  We are not going back to Girl Scouts!  We will be all things sports this Fall...Annie is already enrolled in soccer, and the Beebs will be going back to her true sports love of basketball in the Winter.  Of course Daddy is ready for them to take some sort of music lesson, but I'm just trying to figure out how they will get home from school.  Yes, I said they...my Annie starts Kindergarten this Fall.  She's pumped and I am too, kinda, maybe a little sad...she is my baby after all.  Okay, I'm tearing up...

My current transition is that of our Pastor and his wife leaving our little church to move to a new church and a house on the beach...kinda makes me want to go to Seminary.  Ha. Ha. Ha.  I'll leave that to the professionals!  Their last Sunday with us was this past one, and it was emotional for a big ole' crybaby like me.  Daddy was sweet to hold my hand all the way through though.  We said our goodbyes, which of course are not forever goodbyes and sent them on their way with a love offering and a book of notes and pictures from the congregation.  That is, minus notes from my family because I lost the paper we were to use and then didn't get them turned in on time.  I ROCK at being organized.  I would love to have everything in its place and a place for everything, but my children hinder that greatly!!!  Anyway, Pat baptized both of my children, gave fantastic sermons and is a very laid back, sweet and kind man.  In his sermon from Ash Wednesday 2010 (I think it was 2010), he said these words, "Fast from anger and feast on optimism.  Fast from self concern and feast on compassion for others." 

Fabulous words to live by!  So fabulous that I have them taped to my computer screen at work.  His sermons always found a way to speak directly to me.  And his wife, a precious friend who is a strong and admirable lady!  She's not afraid to speak her mind and she truly is my precious friend.  As I was thinking about this transition earlier this week, I realized that when you are 14 years old and your Youth Director leaves and you think that nothing will ever be okay again, it's a lot different when you are 40 and your pastor leaves.  When you are 40, you have been through a couple of changes and you know all will be well again.  So, maybe I'm a little okay with change since I can see a bright side to it.  Anyway, here's to my dear friends, Pat and Marcia...you have been a wonderful part of our lives and we will miss you greatly!  (Okay, I made myself cry again).  And please, consider this the Chapman note that didn't make it into the book.

Here's a little update on what we've been talking about...

Beebs:  "I didn't know the Target stayed up that late!"

Annie:  "NO!"

Annie:  "Uh oh, it looks like Strawberry Shortcake got a sharkbite..." (that's a whole other post though)

Beebs:  "I don't want to wash my hair, I washed it a couple of days ago..." (that's the stinch I smell)

Annie:  "NO!" (Annie's been telling me NO alot lately, which is why she is grounded from Mermaid Barbie until tomorrow - I love the POWER, insert evil laugh)

Stay tuned for my latest project and be on the lookout for the "Shark Bite Barbie" post!  It will even have pictures!

Heart your everchanging always the same Chapman, me:)